What Not to Do When in the Order
by Torry-Riddle
Summary: A series of oneshots inspired by Bellamort500's Dear Order Members. No real reason to them. Very AU and OOC Will take prompt from others!
1. Insulting Letters to Death Eaters

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

All current prompts are from the story Dear Order Members.

_**All of you're are to stop sending insulting letters to Death Eaters.**_

_**Which Idiot thought it'd be wise move to insult people who want to already kill us.**_

"I'm not going to do it"

"Why not Harry?"

"Hermione it's a stupid idea. And calling Lucius Malfoy a prancing peacock is funny behind his back not you sending letters to him" Harry said as calmly as he dared to. He wasn't sure what had happened to the rule abiding bookworm but ever since Fred and George and been locked in a room with her she had been different. More like the twins.

"But he deserves to know!" Hermione cried as Fred and George walked into the room.

"Who deserves to know?" George asked wondering what was happening and why Hermione was trying to get a piece of parchment from Harry who was holding it as far away from her as possible.

"Lucius is a prancing peacock and Harry won't let me tell him!" Hermione cried stamping her foot as looks of horror appeared on Fred and George's face.

"But he must know!" Fred cried before tackling harry to the ground and Hermione grabbed her letter and smiled and hugged both the twins before leaving the room.

"Hermione wait up! I want to write to Bellatrix!"

"I call writing the Ferret!" the other twin yelled leaving Harry laying on the floor.

"What is going on in here?"

"Sirius stop them from writing to the death eaters and insulting them" Harry said as he slowly got up off the floor and looked at his god father. Sirius thought about it for a long moment before sighing and turning to the stairs.

"Padfoot you can write to Snape and insult him all you want" Hermione said poking her head in and sang a dangerous smirk appearing on the old marauders' face.

"I'm in" Sirius shouted as Hermione ran up the stairs laughing Sirius right behind her to write his own letter to his hated enemy. Maybe he should say something about the others beaky nose and hair,

"Harry I'll give you Wormtail?" Ginny offered holding out a piece of parchment. Harry stared at the parchment for a long moment before taking it.

"Deal" before running up to the room he shared with Ron and started writing to the rat, every now and then asking for help from Hermione or the twins.

**Later that evening at Voldemort's lair**

"I am not the love child of a Dementor and a Banshee!" Bellatrix screamed causing several Death Eaters to flinch, Lucius Malfoy to roll his eyes and re-read the letter from the granger girl wondering how on earth he was seen as a prancing peacock. Draco Malfoy was rocking back and forth in the corner wondering why anyone would be so mean to him and Wormtail was just sitting then wondering what the hell was going on.


	2. Lucius and his oh so shiny hair

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

All current prompts are from the story Dear Order Members.

_**13. In the middle of a duel with Lucius Malfoy, you are not allowed to ask "How he gets his hair that Shiny?" **_

Hermione giggled as she dueled with Lucius Malfoy not at all put out with the curses he threw at her and muttered phrases like 'Prancing peacock' and that Lucius had 'daddy issues' both of which she had written in her letter to him a week prior. With each comment Lucius's face flushed slightly before Hermione rolled out of the way and cooed as Lucius turned.

"Wait!" Hermione yelled a couple of their duels pausing to see why she had yelled that.

"Before you go off and kill me or torture me or whatever, tell me please for the love of all that is sugary goodness how you get your hair that shiny!?" Lucius blinked dumbly at the brunette as she stared at him and waited for an answer not bothered by the fact that there were several other people staring at her like she had two heads.

"Mione? What do you mean?" Harry asked wondering what his not so sane best friend was referring to this time. Hermione skipped over to Lucius and lifted some of his hair and made it fall the shine making her coo.

"It's so pretty, I want pretty hair like him." Hermione said stamping her foot and waking Lucius from his dumbfounded state. Harry groaned and hid his face.

"Never again am I allowing any one to get locked in a room with Fred and George." He groaned before Hermione pouted and looked at Lucius.

"Pretty please tell me with a severed head on top?" Hermione asked pulling her best puppy dog eyes on the blonde lord. Rather than question Potter on why he had commented that way Lucius quickly weighted the options. The girl was good at dueling. And now she was using of all things household spells against him. He was very surprised she was so… so forward.

"If I tell you and give you my supplier so you can get your own as well as give you a sample will you stop sending me those insulting letters?" Lucius said causing Hermione to pout.

"Who else can I write to then when I want to insult?" Hermione whined slightly.

"I'll give you a list of names that you can write to as well just for god sakes leave me alone unless you are going to tell me something interesting." Lucius felt like a child but her letters were driving him crazy. They came at all hours of the day, the last few coming in the middle of the night and he was now sleeping on the couch.

"Deal" Hermione said holding out her hand and the Blonde sighed and shook her hand. Pulling out a potion bottle he handed it to her with the instructions before stepping back. Hermione giggled and flicked her wand sending Lucius flying before skipping off to help Fred battle Bellatrix, her potion bottle in her pocket safe.

**Later that night**

"Fred! Look at how shiny my hair is! I got to get a lifetime supply of this stuff." Hermione said allowing the twins to watch her spin her hair shiny and smooth before she ran to her desk in her's and Ginny's room and started penning a letter to get more, and to annoy Lucius so more.


	3. Oh My Merlin

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

All current prompts are from the story Dear Order Members.

_**26. Not allowed to stick furniture to the ceiling and say "oh my Merlin, the house is upside down"**_

Harry groaned and opened his eyes his hands looking for his glasses on the table beside him. Blinking still he slipped them on and looked around the room.

"WHAT THE HELL!" He yelled causing Ron to jerk and fall out of the bed and onto the floor with a loud thud. Harry managed to get onto the floor without falling, after all somehow all the furniture was on the ceiling now. Groaning Harry stepped out of the room as Hermione ran out of the bedroom she shared with Ginny, the red heard following her.

"Oh my merlin, the house is upside down" Hermione said before taking off towards the stairs and resting it slowly before holding onto the banister, glad she was in pajama pants and a tank top since it would have ridden up.

"Jelly Donuts" Fred cried racing his broom towards Hermione as he pulled her onto his broom.

"No fair I wanted to yell Pumpernickel Bread" George whined following his twin to the kitchen where was trying to cook. Ron not noticing that Hermione had looked like she was upside down started walking or attempting to walk down the stairs before falling the rest of the way.

"Timber!" Sirius yelled sitting on his own broom and looked at Harry who was very close to walking over to the wall and banging his head off of it. Groaning Harry got his own broom and few to the kitchen where Hermione, Fred and George were sitting on brooms (Hermione still with Fred the slightly possessive hold making Harry wonder just what other than corruption happened in the locked room) eating apples of all things.

"Alright who is responsible for this George? And put Hermione down. Fred did you do it?" Ms. Weasley asked looking from one twin to the other, getting them wrong as usual.

"Sweet Monkey Milk you're not getting it right" Hermione said.

"This is Fred and That is George" Hermione said pointing out the correct twin. Harry looked around the kitchen not trusting the pranking trio now and scratched his head wondering what was happening. Scowling at Fred who was holding Hermione, Ron walked over to the cupboard to get something to drink when it call came rushing out at him the Twins taking off laughing as they did.

"Arthur, get Albus. He can fix the house for us." Ms. Weasley called to her husband before looking at her youngest son and started healing him.


	4. Writing to Voldemort about his nose

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

All current prompts are from the story Dear Order Members.

_**58. Whoever keeps writing to Voldemort asking what it is like not having a nose, please stop.**_

_**I have my suspicions on who it is.**_

_Dear Albus too many names to remember and say Dumbledore,_

_I am writing to you to tell your little half brained brats to stop writing to me and asking if I have a nose. I've been polite and rude and sarcastic and nothing has stopped them, Even me threatening to kill them in their beds hasn't. They send me owls at all hours and I'm done._

_Voldemort._

Albus sighed as he read the letter and looked around the room, no one really paying any attention to him. He had a feeling it was Miss. Granger since she had a little smile on her face but he could prove nothing yet.

"Miss. Granger why are you writing to Voldemort and asking what it is like without a nose?" Albus asked gently many other order members looking at Hermione like she had declared her love for Snape.

"I'm innocent this time I swear. I stopped sending letters to Lucius Malfoy and the other death eaters, they only get one once a week now" Hermione said with a pout her fingers going to play with her shiny hair. Everyone had noticed that it was shiny like Lucius's and wondered how she was able to get the secret out of him and know they knew the rough reason for it. He had given it to her for peace.

"I'm not too sure I understand you. You said you're no longer writing to the Death eaters? Why were you in the first place?" Ms. Weasley shrieked causing the group as a whole to wince.

"I wanted to tell Lucius Malfoy he was a beautiful Prancing Peacock., and had a bit of Daddy issues which was why he followed Voldemort. Then when we had that battle not too long ago he said if I stopped really writing insulting letters to him I could get stuff that made my hair shiny like him so I agreed so he only gets one. Oh and I got a list of others I could bother but I might have burned it so no one else could know." Hermione said swinging her feet under her chair all too innocently.

"Stop it Harry you're going to give yourself brain damage." Hermione said reaching over and holding Harry's hair to stop him from banging it on the table. Shaking their heads they looked away from Hermione before she screamed making them all jump.

"What? What happened?" Moony asked looking around wildly.

"A flying purple rhino, it wants me to join him to take down Voldemort! BYE!" Hermione said bouncing excitedly and tearing from the room, Fred and George following.

"Wait up! We want to help!"


	5. Where did you get that robe?

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

All current prompts are from the story Dear Order Members.

_**70. Not allowed to ask a Death Eater in the middle of a duel "Where did you get that robe from? That fabric is beautiful"**_

Yet another battle happened between the Death Eaters and the Order, this time Hermione was battling the formidable Bellatrix LeStrange. Hermione was using all kinds of spells from household spells, to charms to defence spells to jinxs. Bellatrix was using her dark arts and yet somehow they were evenly matched. Bellatrix had to admit watching the Granger girl send of a laundry folding spell at Crabbe senior had been hilarious. Bellatrix turned to shoot a spell to one of the other order members and she shivered when she heard the girl giggle. Turning to look she had to smirk to see that Lucius had defected her cleaning charm to the Weasley boy she spent her time with causing Granger to giggle again.

"Ron you look, so, so….clean" Hermione said seeming to struggle with that to say Potter turning the corner and groaning.

"What happened this time?"

"Prancing Peacock over there deflected my charm to Ron. Apparently he thought he was clean enough and Ron wasn't" Hermione said placing her hands on her hips and pouting.

"Why can't you use normal charms and spells mione?" Harry asked getting a rather cold and scary death glare from the brunette.

"Because the flying purple rhino said that I didn't need to if I wanted to help defeat Voldemort. And I could clean up the world while doing it duh" Hermione said causing Harry to groan again. Bellatrix glanced at Lucius to see if he had any more insight to the situation that her but he was staring at the girl like she was crazy.

"Every time I see you seem to get weirder." Lucius said causing the girl to shrug she shoulders.

"Where can I get a can like yours to hold my wand? Or to hit people with?" Hermione asked latching onto Lucius's arm making my poor bother-in-law stiffen.

"Go to a discount store. There should be a couple." Lucius said getting his arm free when the girl spun around.

"YAY! I can get my own cane to beat people with and hide my wand"

"Why do you want to beat people with a cane?" Potter asked looking worried about her answer.

"Because they are bad and need to be punished. Bob the polka dotted penguin told me"

"Hermione you have gone mental" the Weasley called from his spot on the floor. Bellatrix and Lucius stepped back as the girl swung and cast several spells in rapid session on the male before her eyes darted to Bellatrix and she squealed.

"Sweet mother of Monkey milk where did you get that robe? I love the fabric" Bellatrix's eyes widened as the girl bounded over to her and started touching the cloak.

"Um, Mione you know that is Bellatrix right. The insane dark witch everyone runs screaming from." Potter tried.

"Yup. But she's also my idol and I want to be like her when I'm older." Hermione said causing Potter to groan again.

"Why did my best friend have to be corrupted by your twin brothers Ron? She's not sane anymore. If this keeps up we might as well call her Baby Bellatrix" Potter cried as the Weasley shrugged. Glancing at the girl again Bellatrix watched as the girl held the fabric to her body.

"I want to make a dress out of this, and a cloak, maybe even a whole wardrobe."

"You write to Lucius to annoy him?" Granger nodded.

"I'll tell my sister to add on the location for where she got it. And ask my cousin for the family gilmor, if your still like this in three months write to me and I'll adopt you."

"Your amazing and for the record I had no idea until after that Fred called you a love child between a dementor and a Banshee." Smiling a smile that would haunt Potter's and Weasley's dreams Bellatrix shared a brief hug with the granger girl before pointing at her brother-in-law.

"Prancing Peacock lets go, we have mayhem to cause"


	6. Sleepover at the Headquarters

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

Feel Free to give me a prompt for a one-shot or have them say something! I'm open to idea's!

Prompt comes from Bellamort500:

_**Not allowed to ask a Death Eater(s) to a sleepover**_

Hermione sat on Fred's bed as the twin played with her curls George watching them, not asking what Hermione was writing knowing better.

"What should we do next? I mean turning the house upside down was the best we have done together." George asked as Hermione signed her letter.

"I liked writing to Voldemort and asking about his nose, but I want to send a little to Bellatrix and see if she wants to get together for a sleepover. I want to get to know my new mom, I told her to bring her husband so I can get to know them both." Hermione said with a smile leaning back into Fred's chest.

"Maybe she can teach us some of those really cool spells she uses." Fred suggested his fingers now running over the fabric on her arms. Bellatrix had talked to Narcissia Malfoy and she had been sent so many bolts of cloth to choose from before Narcissia sent a house elf with samples and to make the clothes. Bellatrix had gifted Hermione with one too named Twinkle, who popped into the room and handed the trio glasses of pumpkin juice. Giving the elf a fond look Hermione leaned forward.

"Take this to Mother, Twinkle" Hermione said leaning back. Sirius hadn't taken the potential adoption seriously until Hermione told him to look at the family tree and sure enough there was a tentative marking of Hermione coming into place. He would never let them into the house but Hermione had a way around that. Twinkle was gone and within five minutes was back and bouncing up and down like Hermione on a sugar high nodding her head.

Squealing Hermione ran to see Sirius and making plans together they came back to the twins room to get the confused twins before Sirius opened the never used ballroom and got to work with the pranking trio to clean it up and suitable for the sleepover. Once everything was ready Hermione let twinkle go and get their Death Eater guests.

"Mummy!" Hermione squealed as she ran over to Bellatrix who caught her and hugged her back much to Rodolphus's confusion. Breaking apart Hermione started to explain that the purple monkey with a pitchfork was telling her that she needed to kill her muggle parents and if Bellatrix wanted to help her do it.

"Sweet Morgan Le Fay!" Fred yelled as he pointed at the door where half the order was staring at Hermione and Bellatrix in shock. Rodolphus moving to protect his wife and soon to be daughter if he overheard Lucius and Sirius correctly.

"Miss. Granger and Mr and Mr Weasley do you care to explain as to why there are Death Eaters here?" Dumbledore said stepping forward wondering what the hell was going on and if he was dreaming.

"Banana Sandwich's" Fred muttered trying to think of something to say. George was no better and Hermione was giggling.

"Well you see, Hermione's flying purple rhino told my rainbow striped unicorn that we needed to have a sleep over then we talked to George's… what was it again?"

"Blue and orange ferret" George answered calmly.

"Right. Blue and orange ferret that we needed to throw a party to end evil" Fred said happy with the extreme lie he came up with.

"Purple unicorns, Ron why are you all red?" Hermione asked innocently peering around Rodolphus. Everyone looked at the youngest male Weasley before a steady thumping brought their attention to Harry banging his head. Rolling his eyes Sirius pulled Harry into his arms and over to the group the closer he got the more you could hear.

"My best friend is spending time with people who want to kill us, and no longer has a grip on her sanity. The other is ready to kill his brothers for taking his girlfriend when he never even told Mione he liked her." Hermione shook her head as she stared at Harry.

"Mommy can maybe adopt him too? Or should we let cousin Sirius do that?" Hermione asked innocently as Dumbledore and Molly Weasley went red in the face and started yelling. Wincing at the volume Bellatrix sighed and kissed Hermione's forehead and turned to her husband who hugged her and kissed her forehead as well.

"Give them hell Princess" he said causing Hermione to beam.

"Will do Daddy. I have Sirius to keep an eye on me and my twins." Hermione said as the twins appeared on either side of her and Sirius let out one of his barking laughs.

"I love mayhem" Fred said with a sigh and hugged Hermione before kissing her lightly.


	7. Adorable Death Eaters

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

Feel Free to give me a prompt for a one-shot or have them say something! I'm open to idea's!

_**86. Death Eaters are not adorable and you are not allowed to tell them they are.**_

It had been almost a month since the attempted sleepover, Hermione, Fred, George and Sirius sneaking out one weekend to do it anyways with who they had taken to the headquarters. Hermione was known legally known as Eris Ravenna LeStrange but kept going by Hermione Granger at least until the end of the war. She was wearing a strong Glamour too, to hide her black curly hair and hooded bedroom grey eyes. Fred had proposed at the time and the contract had been signed and placed in each of their vaults. George had said if anything had happened to Fred he would step in before they had to run back to headquarters for a pointless meeting.

Before heading out to stop a group of death eaters from rampaging and killing in a muggle village Hermione slipped a love potion to Ron what would activate when someone said the words bloody hell even if it was Ron himself. Pleased with her plan Hermione, Fred, George, Sirius and a reluctant Harry sat on a rooftop dillusioned and watched everything go down, Bellatrix and Rodolphus sitting with them.

"Bloody hell" Ron said as he fought with Wormtail, his former pet rat, the spell having missed him by millimetres.

"You are adorable" Ron breathed the next moment when he looked at Wormtail, Lucius stopping and staring, having a feeling his niece was involved.

"You are adorable too, I bet you would look better with cute little pink bows in your hair" Ron said looking at Lucius making the man step away. Yup Iris was involved. Turning sharply he apparated across the square causing Ron to wail and grab onto Wormtail.

"My Precious LuLu is gone!" Ron wailed holding onto Wormtails robes before sniffing and looking at Wormtail and cooing as he started kissing the man's face much to the other people around them disgust and horror. Lucius joined the group in the roof shaking his head planning on using the memory (aside from his moments of torment) for a patronus. Ron kept kissing Wormtail until Albus arrived and turned to look at the two, Voldemort looking just as confused.

"Master Help me?" Wormtail begged trying to get away from Ron only to get tackled and kissed again and again. The group on the roof were laughing so hard that they had to silence one another to keep themselves a secret.

"Ronald why are you kissing Mr. Pettigrew?"

"I love him and my precious LuLu left us!" Ron wailed before sobbing into Wormtail's shoulder. Blinking owlishly Albus stepped forward and cast a spell to release Ron from his love potion.

"AAHH!" Ron yelled jumping back and moving as far away from Wormtail as he could. Rocking back and forth he stared wide eyed at the spot muttering things about LuLu and kissing.

"I still love you LuLu!"

"Lets get you home Ronald"


	8. Senile Dumbledore

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

Feel Free to give me a prompt for a one-shot or have them say something! I'm open to idea's!

_**95. Everyone is to stop implying I'm Senile. I am not senile.**_

Hermione sat at the table with Fred on one side George on the other humming a small tune that had no real melody, as Harry sitting beside Sirius stared at them carefully. After the love potion and Ron a week ago Harry had taken to making sure his food and drinks were clean, making Mad –eye pleased with his constant vigilance. It was a full Order meeting tonight and Harry knew Hermione was going to say something.

"With all due respect Albus I think you're going Senile" Minerva McGonagall said to her long-time friend, a look of mischief lighting up the pranking trio's face happily.

"You know I was thinking the same thing the other day when talking to Sirius about the plans. I think the headmaster has gone senile." Hermione said sitting forward making several people roll their eyes at her.

"I agree. I think he's losing his touch. He's older now, He's bound to get senile" Sirius said jumping to Hermione's defence.

"Think about it, why ask Snape to keep spying when if Snape was to get caught, no offence sir he could spill everything on us." Fred said.

"Senile" Hermione sang as there were nods starting to appear around the table.

"I can't believe I'm agreeing but it's true. I take every precaution I can but there is still a chance." Severus Snape said silkily from his chair George now adding his voice in when Hermione sang 'Senile' this time. Soon the whole table was talking about times where they wondered if the headmaster and leader was all there, forgetting that the man in question was at the head of the table now looking a little lost at where the meeting had gone.

"Sweet Mother of Chocolate Monkey Frogs! It's dinner" Hermione's voice cut through the din and silence fell.

"Alright. Who's staying for supper?" Molly asked standing and looking around before going to get what she had cooked.


	9. To Marry a Death Eater

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

Feel Free to give me a prompt for a one-shot or have them say something! I'm open to idea's!

Prompt from _**AlexandraPotter1196**_

_**You cannot ask a Death Eater to marry you just 'cause he's got a silver arm and it can be sold to make you rich...**_

Ginny sat in the kitchen or Grimmauld Place, papers strewn around her and her hair falling out of the bun she had placed it in.

"What are you up to Ginny?" Remus asked entering the kitchen and poured himself a cup of tea.

"I'm trying to figure out the cost of Silver. It's worth a fair amount right?" Ginny asked looking up at the werewolf.

"Yes but why do you want to know the cost of Silver?" Remus asked a little worried about her answer.

"Harry told me that Wormtail has a silver hand. So if I marry him I can hand him over to the Ministry to be kissed and I can sell the hand for money and I can get rich. After all there is a reward out for Death Eaters. I can get double the money then." Ginny said seriously as Remus paled and sat down in the chair heavily.

"You'd marry Peter to sell his silver hand and get the money for turning him in?" Remus repeated slowly as Ginny went back to calculating.

"That sounds about right. I'm having a bit of trouble arranging this so I'm off to see the twins and Hermione. Talk to you later Remus." Ginny said brightly as she gathered up her stuff and left the kitchen in search of her brothers and her honorary sister. Remus sat there stunned until a sound in the doorway made him look up.

"Arthur your daughter is planning on marrying Peter Petigrew and selling his silver hand for money as well as turning him in for even more money….She has plans and everything." Remus said letting his eyes follow the calm man's movements.

"I always knew that my Ginny was a smart girl."

"Arthur Weasley! You're not going to talk to your daughter about this! The man is a known criminal!" Molly shrieked causing Remus to flinch and cover his ears with a groan. She was louder than normal even more so since it was a couple days until the next full moon. Sirius walked into the room and sent a glare at Molly.

"Molly please remember that Remus needs quiet for the next couple days." Sirius said as soothingly as he could before looking at Remus who nodded his thanks.

"So I just heard something about Ginny marrying Wormtail upstairs. Hermione is helping her plan the wedding now" Sirius said with a grin before watching Molly flush and rush out of the room and shouting at the girls.

"They safe?" Arthur asked and Sirius chuckled.

"Twins took the girls to their place since they knew I was going to rat them out" the three chuckled before a loud WHAT! And thumping feet made them turn to the door.

"DAD! Ginny's not marrying petigrew is she? Then she'll be by my Lulu!" Ron yelled making Sirius fall onto the floor laughing knowing it was well worth sending the memory to his cousin's just to get to know Lucius's reaction. To the mere thought of Ronald Weasley being in love with him still.

_**At Malfoy Manor**_

"What? Ok I thought that day was bad! Bella your daughter's corrupting her friends and I want no part in it!"

"Relax Lulu if Narcissia leaves you at least you have the Weasley boy!" Rodolphus teased.

"I knew there was a reason I loved you enough to marry you" Bellatrix purred as she wrapped her arms around her husband only to take off running hand in hand as Lucius sent hexes at them. Draco letting out a girly scream as one missed him my centimeters and took off after his crazy aunt and uncle.


	10. A Sirius Proposal

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

Feel Free to give me a prompt for a one-shot or have them say something! I'm open to idea's!

Prompt from **HollyPotter:**

_**Sirius is not allowed to propose to Harry because it will upset his mother's portrait and scare Dumbledore**_

Grimmauld place was silent for once. Hermione and Fred were out in Muggle London on a date, George and Ginny were at the twins shop no doubt working on how to get Wormtail to agree to a marriage and Harry was content to sit and play chess in the library of the old house with Rom, Dumbledore surprisingly watching them. Every now and then he would lean over and help Harry but Harry was still soon beaten by Ron.

"Good game mate." Harry said as the chess set re-set itself.

"Headmaster? Would you like to play?" Ron offered and Harry slid out of the chair to allow the headmaster to sit. Settling himself on the armchair by the fire he watched the chess match that was challenging Ron for the first time in a long time. It made Harry happy to see Ron relax. Ginny's little prank about Pettigrew had made Ron act strange and Harry had to wonder about Hermione's love potion. Shaking the thought off Harry calmed the jealousy in his veins that Ginny would consider another man. Harry knew he was famous but he wanted Ginny to like him for him.

Pushing that thought aside Harry watched the two wizards battle.

"We're home!" Hermione called as he and Fred walked into the library and sat on the loveseat together. Offering them a smile himself Harry watched as Ron distracted waved hello as Dumbledore nodded his head towards them.

"Silver means I can buy myself new robes, and books and a familiar. I love Arnold my puff but I want an owl to send my own main you know George?" Ginny said as they entered the library and sat on the couch and watched the chess match. A little while later Sirius walked into the library with Remus and they put up two portrait's drawing Harry's attention to them and he gasped softly.

"Mum? Dad?" He said as he looked at them stunned.

"Hello son" James said smiling at him, Lily to busy wiping her eyes to comment just yet.

"Like my surprise pup?" Sirius asked as at Harry's dazed nod he moved to sit in front of the fire as padfoot Remus taking the other armchair as they all looked at the chess board.

"Who's winning?"

"Been tied from what George and I have seen." Ginny said as she played with her hair, piling up on her head.

"How's this for a wedding look?" Ginny asked turning to Hermione who frowned.

"I still think you should keep it down. I mean it's not like you are going to be married for very long. You're going to get Wormtail kissed after all." Hermione said offhandedly as Ginny nodded and looked back at the board.

"I can always go back to Weasley once the mourning period is over"

"Your still on about that?" Ron asked lifting his eyes briefly from the board.

"Yes I am." Ginny said firmly. Turning back Sirius shook his head.

"At least she plans on turning the Bastard in." He said getting a dark look from Dumbledore and Harry. Deciding to continue with teasing his Godson he stood and walked to Harry's chair before kneeling.

"Harry, your amazing and would you do me the honor of becoming my husband?" Sirius asked calmly as Harry stared at him stunned and more than a little creeped out.

"I call being a bride's maid!" Hermione and Ginny called together as a thud was heard from James portrait the sound echoing as Remus hit the floor out cold.

"That's my baby! Wait until he's out of school damn it!" Lily yelled before bursting into tears.

"We'll walk you down the aisle if you want" Fred and George offered with matching grins. Ron stared at them pale before running from the room sniffing making Hermione giggle softly, before she nudged Fred and pointed at a pale and suddenly really old Dumbledore.

"Sirius my boy this is a bit sudden. Maybe you should ask after the war?"

"But no one knows what could happen! I'll even carry the child!" Sirius said enjoying the look on Dumbledore's face, now that Harry seemed to breathing deeply and counting to ten and back repeatedly to stay calm.

"I even have a ring!" Sirius said proudly as he pulled out a Ring box and opened it so Harry could see the silver band and emerald stone. Dumbledore stood and walked over to see the ring before making a whimpering sound and fleeing though the fireplace.

"I love you Sirius but no. Ask Moony. He'll be more than happy to give you puppies." Harry said gently.

"Ahh, ok" Sirius said pouting.


	11. Dear Malfoys, a love letter to Lulu

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

Feel Free to give me a prompt for a one-shot or have them say something! I'm open to idea's!

Prompt from** AlexandraPotter1196**

_**No-one is allowed to tell Draco that his father is gay and is in a relationship with Ron Weasley- it will only cause him to look for affection from a Weasley (not the female one)**_

"We have to tell him."

"Why he's a git at the best of times"

"I don't think we should. If anything we should get Ron to send a letter or something" Hermione said as she looked up from her book. Fred hummed his agreement from behind Hermione, his own book being lowered.

"Hey, can I tell you something?"

"Harry! You know you can talk to us" Hermione said as the twins nodded and Ginny sat up.

"I'm thinking of extending a proposal to my sweetheart…she's in Slytherin."

"So that's why you turned Sirius down!" Ginny said as Harry nodded.

"We will want to meet her of course. Properly." Hermione said and Harry smiled.

"I knew I could trust you. Fair warning Dumbledore might yell at you. Ron sent a Letter to the Malfoys talking about his Lulu…it was a bit disturbing…." Harry warned as they looked at each other and shrugged before trying to get more information out of Harry who refused to say anymore on his sweetheart.

**At Malfoy Manor**

"Lucius Axabras Malfoy get your arse over here right now!" Narcissia yelled making the Blonde lord gulp and take off running to his wife, Bellatrix and Rodolphus following him to see the fireworks only an irate Narcissia can do.

"Yes dear?"

"Please explain to me why a Weasley is convinced they are in a secret gay relationship to you an your son is sneaking a Weasley into his bedroom?" Narcissia said coldly.

"BELLA! What did your daughter do this time." Lucius said turning to look at Bella who admitted that Lucius did sound like he was whining.

"I have a report from my daughter saying this was all the Weasley brat. He misses his Lulu." Bella said in a baby voice as Lucius flushed. Narcissia snorted before Lucius turned back to her.

"Wait what was that about Draco sneaking a Weasley into our house?" Lucius took off running as Narcissia fell into giggles.

"He's got the Parkinson girl in his room doesn't he?" Bellatrix asked and once her sister nodded joined her in insane giggles that grew worse with the three feminine shrieks from the upper floors.


	12. A Riddle Contract

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

Feel Free to give me a prompt for a one-shot or have them say something! I'm open to idea's!

Prompt from** Rhys'GirlForever**

_**Harry is not allowed to enter a permanent and legally binding marriage with Daphne Greengrass, his childhood sweetheart because someone told him that Voldemort was looking to marry him**_

"HERMIONE!" Harry yelled running down the stairs to the kitchen saying sorry to Walburga Black's portrait as he passed and entered the kitchen.

"Please tell me it's not true and this is a joke."

"What is cub?" Remus asked still a little surprised the portrait of Sirius's mother wasn't screaming blue murder. It seemed it liked Hermione, Fred, George and Harry in the house, more than other residents since she really never screamed at them.

"That Voldemort wants to marry me and I can't then get a married to Daphne Greengrass" Harry said as Hermione awed.

"You two are going to make the cutest babies! Let me find out what's going on but I can tell you it wasn't me or the twins this time." Hermione said as she stood and left the room for the ballroom Harry following her.

"You're going to call your mother here aren't you Eris?" Harry said once they were in the ballroom.

"Well she's the safest way to find out. Do you have an issue with that?" placing her hands on her hips she rounded on Harry who shook his head quickly. Calling Twinkle and asking her to bring her mother and father the pair waited in silence and were soon joined by Sirius, who also wanted answers. With a pop: Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Lucius and Narcissia appeared.

"Mummy! Daddy!" Eris/Hermione said as she hugged them both.

"Uncle Lu and Aunt Nicky!" she said hugging them next.

"I want to make sure you had no hand in this wh"

"Ronald Weasley all the way. Harry warned me and I sent Twinkle to tell mom and dad." She said sternly getting a nod from Lucius.

"What's the issue this time? That red head miss his Lulu?" Bellatrix teased Lucius who glared at her.

"No actually. Harry you explain."

"Um apparently Voldemort wants to marry me so I can marry Daphne my sweetheart."

"The eldest Greengrass sister." Eris clarified before looking at her family. Bella shuddered.

"I have no idea…Maybe it started here?" Rodolphus said.

"The Dark lord has been keeping a keen eye on the pink toad Umbridge in the ministry…." Lucius said trailing off causing the seven of them to shudder.

"Right….so no possible scary proposals from Snake face are coming my way? No kidnapping attempts so I'm forced against my will?" Harry said just to make sure.

"You know what? Get Daphne here and we can marry you right now. Lucius can take it into the ministry and then you get your wife and no one can separate you!" Sirius said happily.

"And to think less than a week ago you proposed to Harry yourself….that was rather genius"

"I have my moment's thank you very much" Sirius said pouting as the women rolled their eyes at them.

"Ok…well I also promised that Ginny, Fred and George could be here…."

"Twinkle get my fiancée, his twin and their sister, there's going to be a wedding."


	13. A Lady Potter?

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

Feel Free to give me a prompt for a one-shot or have them say something! I'm open to idea's!

Prompt from** Rhys'GirlForever**

_**No-one is allowed to antagonise Daphne Potter (nee Greengrass) anywhere including the Order HQ because it will cause Harry to leave and cause Walburga's portrait to be even madder**_

The order was very confused that at their next meeting that night a Daphne Greengrass was sitting on Harry Potter's lap, Hermione was on Fred's and Ginny was muttering about the cost of silver.

"Harry my boy? Why is here?

"Who? Of you mean my wife." Harry said calmly as he kissed her cheek and caused a light blush to cover her cheeks.

"It was a lovely wedding." Hermione said dreamily sounding very much like Luna.

"I agree it was gorgeous. Now can we get back to my pending wedding with my runaway groom Peter Pettigrew?" Ginny said pouting slightly. Harry, Daphne, Fred, George and Hermione all turned to Ginny and started helping her plan again.

"Harry my boy, you um wife will need to leave since she's not a member"

"So now I'm not good enough?" Daphne cried before bursting into tears as Harry tried to console her, glares being sent at the headmaster from all of them now.

"He doesn't like me Harry! He's going to make me go back home where everything is cold and dark and away from you!" Daphne wailed before running from the room. Holding their breath they watched Harry stand.

"If Daphne goes I go with her." Harry said walking from the kitchen.

"If Harry gets to leave I can go look for Peter then right?" Ginny asked innocently.

"Harry goes Fred, Hermione and I leave as well." George said calmly as the twins walked out with Hermione and Ginny. Pale Dumbledore stood and walked after them. Spotting them talking to Walburga he frowned when the vile woman in the portrait glared at him.

"You send my favourite's away you'll never hear me stop screaming. Harry, Hermione and the twins and my favourite's and the little red Ginny is growing on me. Mark my words I'll never stop!" Walburga threatened as Sirius came running and paled.

"No! I don't want her screaming and I don't want them to leave. You accept my godson's wife or I'll kick the order out onto the streets. Anything to keep her happy." Sirius said looking over at his mother and shuddering at the thought of her screaming all the time.

"Fine. I apologize, Ms. Potter. You may all rejoin us if you wish."

"Ok, thank you" Daphne said happily as she wiped her tears and walked back to the kitchen to cuddle with Harry once more.


	14. Bella and the Order

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

Feel Free to give me a prompt for a one-shot or have them say something! I'm open to idea's!

Prompt from** Bellamort500**

_**102. Bellatrix Lestrange is not allowed on order property.**_

Feeling a pick peckish after midnight a couple days after the last order meeting where Hermione was making baby clothes for Voldemort and Umbridge's spawn, Ron headed down to the kitchen to hopefully make something to eat for himself. He was still missing his Lulu but he doubted that the blonde was missing him at all. He was rather sad about that and didn't see the point of Harry turning down Sirius's proposal to marry the Greengrass girl. The hormonal girl that scared even Dumbledore. Not as much as Hermione but then again that girl was just scary with a wand.

Deciding that his Lulu and he can be together after the war was over, Ron crept down the stairs and past Hermione and Fred's forms on the couch. There was another man in there but he couldn't tell who and Sirius was laying in front of the Floo as Padfoot. Entering the kitchen he stared before screaming. Here plain as day was Bellatrix Lestrange cutting a piece of apple Pie that Hermione had made. He had forgotten about Bellatrix saying she was going to adopt Hermione but he knew she shouldn't be in the house. Running into the kitchen Barking was Sirius before he transformed, a Angry Ms. Weasley stomping down the stairs and yelling about foolish children.

Sighing Bellatrix put her pie on the counter with a small pout and stood there waiting for the wands to start pointing at her. Following a banshee screaming Ms. Weasley was a tired Dumbledore not in the mood for a prank. Seeing Bellatrix he groaned.

"Who's idea was this?"

"Mine. She's my cousin after all. I'm trying to mend bridges" Sirius said innocently, hoping that Rodolphus had the sense to leave while he could.

"Escort her out please Sirius. It's the middle of the night and people are trying to sleep."

"But I don't want to see the dark lord attempting to woo a pink toad!" Bella said whining like a child and stomping her foot.

"Ten go to your room wherever you are staying and don't look" Dumbledore said sternly feeling like he was talking to a three year old. Pouting Bellatrix hugged Sirius and he walked her to the living room where Hermione and Fred 'awwed' that Bella was leaving and waved goodbye. Once she was gone Dumbledore was left with a grown man, a teen well on his way to manhood and a young woman.

"Bellatrix Lestrange is not allowed on Order property. She's Banned from this house."

"Your mean! Just because she's cooler than you, you're banning her!" Hermione yelled before leaving the room in a run.

"Barmy old git. She wasn't hurting anyone" Fred said as he followed Hermione leaving a furious Sirius.

"My house and you're banning my cousin? My flesh and blood? Try and pull that stunt again and I'll kick the order out on its flaming behind." Sirius growled before turning sharply and leaving the room, leaving a very old and contrite Dumbledore.


	15. Baby Clothes

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

Feel Free to give me a prompt for a one-shot or have them say something! I'm open to idea's!

Prompt from** Bellamort500 and myself supplying it to her! .**** - **

_** is allowed to leave a meeting early because they want to help Hermione knit baby clothes for Voldemort and Umbridge.**_

_**My innocence has been lost forever, I will never be able to get rid of the image of Umbridge and Voldemort,**_

_**The horror, the horror.**_

Hermione decided that after hearing that Voldemort was watching Umbridge she was she going to start knitting baby clothes for the soon to be couple. They were both evil so she thought they might like a gift to start the family. Knitting in pink, purple, blue and green yarn she made at least three of every color and wondered if she should start making baby blankets. She willingly missed an Order meeting since she knew Fred would fill her in later on.

"Harry? I'm bored. I think I'm going to help Hermione knit baby clothes for Voldemort and Umbridge's child." Daphne said as she got up silence falling across the table.

"Snake-face and UmBitch?" Ron said turning green.

"We heard that he was looking at her all lusty so Hermione is making baby clothes so they are prepared when the baby comes along." Ginny said this time looking up from her parchment, her hair held back by several quills.

"I need Hermione's opinion on something actually. I'll walk with you Daphne." Ginny said as the two girls left the room leaving a very pregnant silence.

"I don't think Umbridge is willing to accept he's back though so that might mean so pretty boring sex…..I mean looking at a wall the whole time?" Harry said as Ron went even more green this time followed by several adults.

"Maybe he wears a mask. To make him look like Fudge?" Fred suggested.

"Yeah she looked pretty dreamily at his photo if you know what I mean." George said.

"Yeah but Voldemort's looking at her for what reason? It can't be her looks…on second thought it just might be…." Harry mused Fred and George nodding in agreement.

"They wouldn't live together though. She'll have the place crawling with pictures of kittens and pink, and he like the dark and snakes….might not work out….I pity the poor kid actually. A Mum and Dad like that." George said the whole table shuddering.

"Well I'll join Hermione in her knitting. I don't know how but I can watch and distract her." Fred said getting to his feet and starting to leave the room.

"No. No more of this. Sit down Fredrick and we can continue."

"Harry back me up on this…This is boring. Talking about what we are going to do but not doing it. It's the same shit!" Fred snapped at the end.

"Agreed. I'm going to join my wife before someone makes her cry or worse makes her mad. Night all." Harry said as he and Fred left the room. George sat for a moment before running out the door.

"FREEDOM!"

"I really didn't need the mental image of Umbridge and Voldemort going at it…It's suck now. Snape you got brain bleach?" Sirius asked as the table looked distinctly green.

"Ten minute break?" Dumbledore suggested and many nodded, needing to get their mind off the images that were put there.


	16. The Dursleys at Headquarters

**Authors Note:** I have been inspired to write a series of one-shots after reading several of Bellamort500 's stories. I in no way own Harry Potter and company and all rights go to their rightful owners.

Feel Free to give me a prompt for a one-shot or have them say something! I'm open to idea's!

Prompt from** AlexandraPotter1196**

_**No one is allowed to let Daphne bring the Dursleys anywhere near Headquarters to meet Walburga's portrait as it will worry and anger Dumbledore.**_

"You'll love it here" Daphne said as she skipped up the walk with the Dursley's in tow. It had taken a temper tantrum to make Dudley proud to get them to come with her but here they were. Ushering them into the house she shut the door as Hermione came down that stairs, Ginny behind her with ink on her nose.

"Hello Daphne. How are you?" Hermione asked, her voice causing Harry to come out of the living room and hug her.

"I missed you too love" Daphne said as she hugged Harry back, his eyes now on the Dursley's and scowling. As he pulled back he smiled at his wife and turned to Hermione.

"Hermione, Ginny these are the Dursley's. My aunt, uncle and cousin." Harry said introducing them. Hermione nodded and played with the ring that controlled her glamour before letting it drop.

"If they do anything stupid can Fred and I use them for target practise?" Hermione said innocently and batted her eyes at Harry.

"Sure you can" Harry said as Hermione beamed Ginny rolling her eyes as she made another note on her parchment.

"Can I count on you two potters at my wedding?" Ginny asked.

"Of course." Harry said before frowning slightly.

"What about Hermione?"

"Already asked her." Ginny said before looking up and taking off down the hall and hiding. Turning her ring again Hermione put her glamour back up.

"Dumbledore." She said simply before Daphne smirked and pulled a stiff Petunia over to Walburga's portrait.

"So you're the nosey cretin that raised that saint of a boy." Walburga sneered looking Petunia over. Looking over the landing Dumbledore frowned when he spotted the Dursley's, the Potters and Hermione standing there talking to Walburga's portrait.

"Can I enquire as to what is going on here?" Dumbledore said coming back down the stairs as Daphne covered her eyes.

"Ms. Potter why are you doing that?"

"Your robes are neon green, orange and pink! Anyone in their sane mind would shield their eyes." She said.

"I personally look at the wall behind him, hurts less" Harry said gently.

"I don't look at him at all" Hermione said before waving and skipping down the hall.

"What are the Dursley's doing here my boy?"

"Ask my wife" Harry countered not really knowing the answer.

"They needed to meet Walburga's approval of being my beloved's guardian's" She said innocently. Dumbledore blinked once, twice, then three times as he tried to wrap his mind around what was happening. After a moment he opened his mouth to say something only to close it again when he couldn't use the right words.

"Take them back. They aren't allowed here" He settled on before walking up the stairs.

"He's rude, I thought it was a good idea" Daphne said looking at her husband hurt.


End file.
